In part 1 of the self-love blog series I talked about the misconception of love and how some people may seek love to make up for something that they’ve lacked at some point in their lives. I will be the first to admit – I’m one of those people. Looking back, I’m not sure I was looking for love for the right reasons. #FoggyLove - I had never gotten it from the one man who should have given it to me unconditionally and endlessly, my father. Knowing what I know now, I’m not sure if I knew then what true love was. Unfortunately, I was still longing for the love of my parents, so I’m not sure how capable I was previously of giving and receive true love. Subconsciously, I was expecting my relationships to fulfill that void.
Seeing other girls with their fathers was always painful while I was growing up—and still is occasionally. Who would have thought that a sight so beautiful (healthy father and daughter interaction) could cause someone hurt and pain? As I grew older, I suppressed my hopes and dreams of having this type of love and affection with my father. I learned to cope with the fact it wasn’t going to happen, resulting in me becoming more anxious to be loved by someone.
Early in my relationship with my son’s father, things were great. I was comfortable with him, I trusted him, he was also a great friend. I thought I found what I was looking for…. (to be continued in Part 3)