February, Valentine’s Day. You either love it or loath it. Sadly, a day of such beautiful color and purpose can be a treacherous nightmare for some. There are people who feel the need, on this day, to be loved by someone in order to feel validated or whole. This especially tends to penetrate deep for those who grew up lacking in the love area from their closet family members.
This five-part series is driven by chapter 19 of my book, Life in its Rawest Form - The Fallacy of Love.
I was inspired to write this chapter of my book by my misconception of love. I used to get confused by the type of love I was looking for or expecting in a relationship. I’ve been in relationships where I thought I was really into the person for who they were. Only to find out later that I wasn’t, resulting in me always aborting ship… It took me a while before I finally realized this was happening. I guess you can say I had an epiphany.
#WhatisLove. There are various reasons people look for or need love from others. Some use it to fill a void, mask pain, or because they feel it is the only way to be whole and happy - hence why Valentine’s Day can be bittersweet for some.
Can love truly be recognized and felt if you are broken? I have yet to find the answer to this question. I suppose, like anything else, one would need to know what love look and feels like in order to recognize it, I think. If one’s first encounter with love, which usually occurs at an early age, is that of trauma (neglect, abuse, sadness, or completely lacking it all together), then that may be one’s perception of how love is (I could write a book on this one statement alone, but I’ll save this topic for another blog).
Growing up, I had an insatiable hunger for love. It’s hard to know which type of love I longed for and wasn’t getting enough of. Back then, I thought the love that I longed for was in the form of a relationship with a male companion. I thought in order to feel loved, it meant having a significant other that provided that. So, days like Valentine’s Day would suck for me if I weren’t seeing someone at that time.
As I matured, I’ve learned that love actually comes from within. The love that I have inside of me is the first and foremost love that I need in my life on any given day. Knowing this makes days like Valentine’s Day feel like any other day, whether I’m involved with someone or not. Valentine’s Day should be a celebration for all love (self-love and love for others), and Valentine’s Day should be celebrated every day!