I was reluctant to write my autobiography because it would expose the dark times in my life. Although some things were out of my control and there wasn’t much I could do to prevent them from happening, I was afraid of being judged or singled out more than I already had been. Often times, people who have not had to live such life or experience similar circumstances may have a hard time understanding, resulting in them being quick to judge.
In order for me to overcome that fear, so that I could write my book, I had to get to a place where I realized that was not my issue, but instead, it was theirs. One of the biggest disservices to oneself is judging before seeking understanding. This commonly made mistake can cause one to lose out by underestimating the other person, not realizing that the very same thing that they are judging them on is what makes that person even greater. Because of this, I am no longer ashamed of my past. It is the reason I am where I am today – in a far better place than I was back then or even yesterday.
The possibility of being able to console or help others living in circumstances like mine overshadowed my reluctance, fear, and anxiety.
My intent in sharing my experiences isn’t to hurt or defame anyone, but simply to provide relief to myself for the things I’ve harbored for years.
Words were my release and the #form in which my healing took shape was this book!
I hope that my words will reach those who feel helpless and defeated, at times.
To survive and conquer such unfathomable circumstances is a tremendous feat; but to arrive in a place of understanding and live a life of purpose…that’s freedom!
My life is a project that continues to evolve. I can’t quite say that I am a finished product, but I can say that I’ve been in production mode for quite some time. I’m far from being in a sustained mode or having things all figured out, but the deliverance of each milestone makes me even stronger for the one that comes next.
In my blog titled, Life In Its Rawest Form, I gave the definition of #raw – “These experiences were raw in the fact that they were in the barest, most explicit form. Nothing was there to sugar coat them or protect me from the brutal reality or its true ugliness.”
As a young girl, I felt compelled to write about events taking place in my life. I didn’t understand why these things were happening to me. I had no one to confide in, so writing them down became a form of therapy, as I attempted to make sense of what was happening to me and around me. Even though these events were raw and uncut, writing helped me to see a way out. By writing things down, I was seeing things in a different light. I was able to reflect more on things that had occurred, and create a plan for a better outcome. As I reflected, I understood better that I was not immoral due to the impure events that were taking place.
As I grew older, I had a choice on whether I would continue to perpetuate those raw and uncut experiences or put an end to them and create well defined, purposeful ones; I chose the latter. Although I’m no finished product, I’m not in the same place as when I started.
What happens to you does not define you!
Flip your RAW circumstances and you will win the WAR!
I titled this book Life in Its Rawest Form because that’s the life I was dealt. Raw, uncut, unpolished, and peeled to the core. I don’t claim this was either good or bad, but how I played my cards is, perhaps, the more important story.
Nothing came easy and everything was a struggle…
I used to think the saying, “Everything happens for a reason,” was just a cliché and had no substance. I no longer think this way. I believe the saying now, because I’ve learned that life has its own agenda and that people aren’t given the option to choose whether to be a part of it or not. My agenda of endless turmoil spanned 35-plus years before I learned this important fact. Although my agenda was no different from others’, but, somehow, it made me different from others I knew.
I’ve stated in past blogs that there are millions of people who faced similar oppression and adversity as I did growing up. What makes me different from some of those people is that I chose to use my experiences as lessons.
Poverty is one of the main root causes for the oppression and adversity I experienced in my upbringing. It lead to many poor choices made by my parents and most people in the community in which we lived. Poverty influenced a lot of unhealthy behavior that my siblings and I were a direct impact of. Even though their impoverished thinking and behavior inflicted so much pain, struggle, and harm upon us, I had to numb myself to these circumstances and use them as a way out – out of this vicious cycle that keeps getting passed down from generation to generation.
My #Life story consists of an agenda with a purpose. I share the brutal reality of what life was for me as a child, youth, and young adult so that I can be the narrator of how my story ends.
What can you do today to change your narrative? Life will continue to come at you. Learn to face it head on and make the most of it!
For some of us, life is a breeze. For others, it’s a constant storm - like being born with bad karma, where rough times are their unfortunate reality. I know these wounded people… I was one of them. Often discouraged from hoping for a better life. I didn’t ask to be born into such harsh conditions, and I could not understand why I was chosen to endure them.
The meaning behind the title, “Life In Its Rawest Form”, came from my experience growing up under circumstances that were raw and uncut. These experiences were raw in the fact that they were in the barest, most explicit form. Nothing was there to sugar coat them or protect me from the brutal reality or its true ugliness.
My purpose in writing this book is that I know there are others who may have lived a life in its rawest form, that may not have ended in triumph. My hope is that through my books; through the voice behind the pain, tragedy, and victory, something will give others, who may be living through similar circumstances, hope and inspiration that will help them prevail and triumph!
In addition to those facing similar circumstances, I pray that my book will give insight to family service professionals, therapists, educators, and others on how their help and support can make a positive difference in the lives of children and families facing adversity.
Reading can change lives. People helping people change lives. #LifeInItsRawestForm
As a teen, eventually, I got enough courage to accept that I am different because I chose different options. I tried not to take certain situations for granted because I realize one bad choice could lead me down the same path as everyone else.
I always told my peers that they, too, could change their lives for the better, just by pushing themselves a little harder. Nothing I did was impossible or something that they couldn’t do. They just had to want it.
I couldn’t’ allow myself to be concerned with the choices others made or didn’t make. Although I wanted better for my peers, I couldn’t lose focus on the things I needed to do for the betterment of myself. I would help them along the way as much as I could, but they had to put in the work for themselves. If they chose not to, that was their choice and not mine.
My choice to get off the Merry Go Round (See the Hood Habits entry of my blog for additional context) landed me in the position I am in today. I used previous challenges and examples from others as a way for me decide what choices to make and what choices not to make. I realized that in order to be successful and to create a brighter future for myself, I had to put in the work. No one else could do it for me.
I hope to encourage young women and men to make wise choices and take control of their lives. My life is a testimony and I am grateful to be able to share it.
See the speaking page of the website to book your speaking engagement.
As a #teen, eventually, I got enough #courage to #accept that I was #different. I no longer allowed my #peers #negativity take a hold of me. My life is a #livingtestimony and I am #grateful to share it. I’m available for #speaking engagements this #summer and eager to #influence some of our #young people. Visit the Speaking page of www.qianahicks.com to learn more. #LifeinitsRawestForm #Speaker #Author #Overcomer #Faith
Daring to be different can be viewed in many different ways. Some may choose to be different for all of the wrong reasons, and others may choose to be different to improve their quality of life. In the context of breaking the cycle and not conforming, being different is viewed in one way – the better way.
Choosing to be different will require you to be confident and unapologetic. You have to be 100% certain and comfortable with your decision to be different, otherwise, you may get deterred and end up conforming, just like everyone else. There will be consequences (good and bad) that comes along with choosing to be different. Some of the things you should expect on your journey to be different are: envy from others – even from those closest to you, being singled out, becoming a target of unpleasant treatment, or feeling like you don’t belong - which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Developing confidence and an open mind to overcome the adversity you will face might pave the way for others. There are people, probably more than you may know, who also wants to be different by choosing a better path, but lacks the courage to do so. Your courageousness and unapologetic qualities may just be what it takes to give them that.
When you choose to be different to better your life, and the lives of others, you should also prepare for the positive that comes along with. Contrary to the not so good consequences, striving for better will naturally render positive results. Your quality of life will improve by the choices you make, your behavior, the people you choose to associate with, and your overall mindset. All of which are benefits of daring to be different.
Never feel guilty about your choice to break the cycle by choosing a different, better path. This should never discourage you from doing what is right for you or a loved one.
We’re ultimately responsible for taking control of our own destiny and not allowing ourselves to be influenced by our surroundings. Being different is actually a form of obligation; obligation to yourself that if you know better, you should do better!
We may not be able to control others’ actions, but we can control how we let their actions affect our lives. I was driven to seek a better education and better options for myself, and others treated me differently. With more education, I saw things in a new light, and I made smarter choices. There were people I grew up with or who lived in the same community as me who perceived it as if I thought I was better than them. I was told that I think I’m “white” or that I act “white”, just because my vocabulary or pronunciation was different than the majority of those from my neighborhood. I didn’t think I was better than anyone else, I was simply being me, and making the best of the opportunities available to me.
Dare to be different and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! This is your life to live and you can’t go through it worrying about what other people think of you. Love yourself first and the rest will follow…
Daring to be different will not only change your life, but it can also change the lives of a community.
In my previous blog, I talk about how easily it is for some people to conform to a lifestyle that they are constantly surrounded by because it may appear to them as if it’s a normal way of life, especially for those who don’t know any better.
My reaction to my raw and tainted circumstances physically manifested itself through illness. I suffered with fever, chills, headache, sore throat, canker sores, weakness, and dizziness. The lifestyle I was surrounded by on a constant basis made me feel emotionally and physically drained. I didn’t want to move, speak, or function anymore. At the tender age of 10 years old, I had become fed up with living this way. My mind, body, and soul would not allow me to conform to society the way others had. I didn’t know what better looked like at the time, but I knew that the environment that I lived in sure as hell wasn’t it!
Several homes were like mine, where crack smokers congregated in kitchens to get high while their children played or slept 10 feet away from them. Unfortunately, the families and kids I played or visited with had become immune to this lifestyle and got along as if it was a normal part of life. They accepted their parents behavior and didn’t expect more from them. It was very peculiar to me why I couldn’t conform and just be okay with it, too. It seemed like I was the only one who thought it was wrong to live this way. I was never okay with it and I was highly disappointed at my parents’, and the adults in my community, for their negligence and selfish behaviors. At the mere age of 10 years old, I chose to be different. I refused to conform to an unhealthy lifestyle and unhealthy behavior. I chose to be better!
Never accept what you know is not okay. For any youth or child facing similar circumstances or any circumstance you know and feel isn’t ok, seek help. Do not except these conditions as normal. Find a responsible adult and inform someone at your school about your living situation. You don’t have to be a product of your environment. Be Better!
This blog series will focus on the ‘Round and Round We Go’ chapter of Life in its Rawest Form.
It’s no secret that poverty, drugs, single-parent households, and lack of education plague our society in the inner cities and urban communities. Unfortunately, a lot of those brought up in these communities adapt to their surroundings by seeing and doing--basically imitating--what is going on around them. It becomes second nature as they grow into adulthood, only to pass down what they’ve seen to the next generation. For a lot of them, it’s all they know. Very few chose a different, better path.
When you live an environment where everyone around you are living the same way, it can be easy to believe that this way of life is the only way of life. In such environment, it can be hard to distinguish between the good and the bad, resulting in one adapting and conforming to their surroundings. This is essentially one of the most powerful forms of influence – misconception of the norm… How can one do better if they don’t know what better looks like?.?.
Another unfortunate circumstance, when living in an environment where everyone around you are living in similar conditions, is the feeling of being rejected when daring to be different, better. This may cause others to become intimidated and envious, all because you believe there is a better way. This same feeling of rejection, have prevented some from breaking the cycle and wanting better for themselves. They become concerned about how their loved ones and community will treat them.
If this is you, try your best not to fear how others will perceive you if you don’t live “the norm.” Break the #HoodHabit and if you are looked at sideways, that means you are probably doing something right. Dare to be different! (Keep an eye out for the third post in this series).
Yes! You can have fun.
Have you ever been in such a state that you feel you don’t even deserve happiness? That you will forever be hardened by doom and gloom or sadness from unpleasant life experiences... I’ve hit that point I my life on multiple occasions.
It’s the story of hopelessness and fear of feeling like you don’t deserve to be happy. Continuing to harbor hurt and guilt of the past, blocking any streak of light and hope from entering your soul…
If this hits home for you, you are not this person; we are not this person! We shouldn’t feel ashamed of where we’re from or of our past, good and bad. Live in the moment and celebrate where you are now, what you have overcome, and where you are going.
Life can turn so gray that we can’t even open our eyes to see if the sun is even shining. Others, just like you and me, need someone positive to help guide them to the sunlight, someone to mentor them on their own journey to becoming a better person. That someone can be you! Allow the sunlight to shine bright through you so that you can be the same ray of light and hope for someone else.
That’s what we have to do. It took someone from the gutter to rise up and show the other person that it could be done. Life is too short to stay in the gray.
Lesson 4: Find joy! I mean pure joy at least once a day. One thing to bring a smile on your face and escape your past or a negative in your present.
A little fun will take you a long way. A feeling of excitement, a laugh or a hug.
What will you be enjoying today?
Summer time calls for a lighter wardrobe, cool drinks, and an overall sense of relaxation. The #lightload applies to your well-being too!
Lesson 3: Don’t take on too much at a time, and don’t get discouraged by how far you have to go. Instead, focus or re-focus on starting and conquering one thought and one goal at a time.
Take the summer approach and unwind. Your release could simply be in your mind, it could be escaping in a book (Life in its Rawest Form – shameless plug) or lightening your normal sphere of influence and taking some time for yourself.
Take time to recharge and reset for what lies ahead. This will allow you to see you clearly. Try not to focus on the noise, darkness, pain, and trauma, which can create roadblocks ahead.
Summer is a time where you should focus on your mental and physical wellbeing by taking care of you, doing things for you, celebrating how far you have come, recharging for continuing your journey, and build up the anticipation to conquer more!